In Pursuit of Happyness

Never let anybody take away your dream

Yup you read it right its the movie Will Smith and his son is in. I have always wanted to see this film the moment I laid eyes on its trailer way back when I was in the Philippines. Too bad before I left the country the movie was just about to be shown.

I always had it in mind to have it on queue on my brother’s Netflix account only to find out that it was going to come out yesterday and my brother told me he was going to get it on DVD. He said it was inspiring and I needed inspiration.

I also know that I promised myself that I would not be writing here in my blog until after my exams but I could not help myself after watching the movie. I felt I needed to reflect on my own life… I just needed a release.

There were scenes in the movie that made me cry one of which was when Chris and his son went to the beach just to get away from everything I think it was the same place that my brother brought me when I first arrived here in San Francisco. That day was so special for TWO reasons:

  • After a year and eight months I finally get to see my brother in the flesh. It was the most wonderful feeling. I was in complete awe that day to the point that I couldn’ t even cry because I was in such disbelief that he was there in front of me, that we were able to bond, share opinions, thoughts, ideas face to face.
  • Another thing going through my head was that I was finally here in America going through the last steps towards my future and career. It was so surreal that soon enough I was going to live the life I have always dreamt of for me and my family.

And then another scene in the movie that I will never forget was when he was hired in the company when Chris was all teary eyed while he was being accepted in the company after the 6 months internship.

I cried because I know how it felt and in a way I hope I would feel that way again. (Kind of confusing huh?) Well I never thought that I would be going through pretty tough times when I chose this profession my four years in college was pretty hard and then my licensure exam in the Philippines and its surrounding controversies was another pain in the head both mentally and emotionally.

And now that another challenge is on my way I hope I can surpass this challenge successfully among all the exams that I am going to take this is THE exam its like the WRESTLEMANIA of all my licensure exams (uhm okay where the heck did this analogy come from??? i just had to put something about WWE somewhere… cannot help it… sorry!!!)

Kidding aside, this is really an important exam for me and being in a position wherein you do not know what is going to happen is pretty uncomfortable. I remember when I fixed the requirements needed in taking this exam I was just so focused and I made sure that every detail was right. I was so pissed after a month when they wrote a letter asking for additional requirements that was not part of the original requirements they had because I know it would take my application longer and then it was not a normal document in school so it took them quite some time to accomplish. And then I received a call from my brother and sister in law informing me that I lacked more documents and hearing that just made my heart sank and then they told me eventually that it was a joke that I had an AUTHORIZATION TO TEST.

That moment pretty much sucked because I was on the verge of crying upon hearing those words… when they told me that they were just kidding me I CRIED. For some strange reason I didn’t even know why I was crying I mean it was just a paper giving me the GO signal to be able to take the NCLEX-RN exam its not even passing the exam yet (I am so weird).

But looking at it now, I think it just shows how badly I want to make it through this test and I hope I make it.

There is this little part of me that feels scared, anxious, ambivalent and uncertain on how this exam would go for me that is a given. You can never predict what questions are going to come out so at the end of the day as long as you work hard, give your best effort and ask for his guidance you will do great.

The scene in the movie wherein Chris ran out of the building with all the people whom he referred to as “happy” and then him finally experiencing that moment because he got the job I hope I get that feeling again soon. I cannot help but keep on running that moment in my head over and over again. This would be a moment of happiness for me and the people around me. And after that it starts again… we will always find something to make us happy…

Personally, I will always be in pursuit of happiness… we will always be (I think).

Things To Do After My Exam (Revised/ Part 2) & Some stuff about Wrestlemania and Bets

I was super emo in my last post on my reflections in life, career, future and profession and well sometimes when I start posting here I cannot help myself because this is really the best way to go with all of my emotions like what I always say I am not much of a verbal person its hard for me to express my feelings this way. This entry will not take quite long to make since I have to study in like 5- 10 minutes… see I set time limits.
So far plans have been revised the going out thing after my exams still stands though since I got to see Santana Row/ Valley Fair area in San Jose last Friday and oh my gosh I missed the place since I haven’t seen it since the last time I was here and that was almost 2 years ago. It is so beautiful I felt like I was in The Hills or something because the people were hella dressed up and quite honestly I still haven’t catched up to that whole fashion stuff and dress to impress stuff its just not me. Nothing against it because I do admire them but its not just my thing personally. I like the place so much and you know the idea of being able to look around and walk freely.
So we will still eat in Cheesecake Factory, walk around the area and who knows maybe buy a thing or two… but personally just the idea of being able to walk around the mall already makes me happy.
And then on April 1 its like THE DAY for all WWE Fans cause its Wrestlemania and I haven’t seen this PPV for ages already and now I get to see it on PPV which is awesome but its still our dream (my brother and I) to be able to watch one LIVE but I know this will happen in time. (Darn it! we were expecting Vegas to be the venue for Wrestlemania 24 since its nearer in California but it ended up in Orlando… but like what I said it will happen in time).
I know the whole Izzie Stevens is my thing the whole cooking and stuff but at some point I think I will change it I am leaning more towards ordering a HELLA BIG ROUND TABLE PIZZA and a BUCKET of KFC CHICKEN and some FIXINS and some BOOZE and ALCOPOP. (I know its like GLUTTONY… but food is just really a way of coping especially post exams). I think doing things that way would be more fun because then I would be able to savor the Wrestlemania moments.
And to make things even more exciting me and my brother had a bet between the match of Shawn Michaels and John Cena. Of course we have our favorites and yup you got it right of course I have faith in my guy and I hope my gut feel is right that John Cena would retain his championship belt… I just feel that he deserves to win he has been working his ass off… John is an epitome of a great wrestler… never complains and just gets the job done. And my brother feels otherwise that HBK would win do not get me wrong I love HBK and he is like in my Top 5 favorite wrestlers of all time I practically grew up watching that guy but then again I have faith in the Champ.
So on with the bet… courtesy of my sister in law that whoever wins the match for a week we have to greet the “winner” every time he or she enters the room with this phrase: “ALL HAIL KING/ QUEEN (Name)” with emotions and gestures. Trust me with me and my kuya’s antics and humor this is going to be funwin or lose really looking forward to this.
And then another bet is on the works because for the past 10 weeks we have been playing WWE Fantasy wherein every week you have like imaginary USD 30 Million as budget to create your own line up of WWE Superstars in which you think you can give you the most number of points based on the actual shows on the 3 brands every week. Its addicting because you get passionate when you watch its as if USD 30 Million is really on the line (heck I feel like I am Vince McMahon/ Chairman of WWE thinking if the stars I chose were a good investment or not) and you really tend to look forward to the show since you really root for your choices since you also want to do good with the WWE Fantasy Scoring. Of course if you are a hig scorer in the whole league you get prices but on a personal note me and my kuya are not aiming in winning the whole league since the others are just so good… we compete with one another trying to beat each other out strategically and verbally.
He said that for a first timer I am quite good since he has been playing for the past 3 leagues were just happy if we end up with a rank in 3 digits. So now since WWE Fantasy League will end with Wrestlemania 23 whoever gets the highest score will do have to do the bet/ consequence… we are still waiting for what bet it would be but its going to be fun cause I am going to kick his ass off haha… (or maybe not).
I mean right now me and my kuya are already having fun playing rock, paper, scissors (or jack en poy as we call it in the Philippines) in terms of who gets to wash the dishes so far I am doing a great job in winning since I have washed the dishes only once this week… so I am so looking forward to these petty bets (can you see how lame we get).
Cannot wait for April 1 since I have come to terms to myself that this would be the day that I would just put my guard down and at least for a day not worry about the result of my exam and just have fun. And after April 1 I can go back to worrying and thinking about the “what if’s” of my exam.
I am looking forward also to spending time with my niece and to those sleepless nights of changing diapers and feeding in the middle of the night and her finally being able to use her super pretty baby crib. Its going to be fun experiencing those stuff because I have always wanted to have a younger sibling to take care of and now its going to be like that. Its weird cause I feel like I am more of an older sister than an aunt which I hope is a good thing.
Okay time for me to study… adios and now I can really promise to post after my exams.
Pray for me whoever gets to read this for the success of my exams. Kampai!

Final Reflections Until Judgment Day about Life, Future and My Profession

“Success is not measured by whatever exam you passed or whatever achievement you had. The important things here on earth are the lessons that you learned from those experiences. If you fail it doesn’t mean you’re a failure, maybe God wanted you to exert more so you can be the best RN pretty soon…”

Okay I am like 6 days away from my exam date and I am not so sure if posting in my blog is the right thing to do for now. I actually promised myself that I will write another entry here after my exams but as always things have a funny way of happening and I came across to a friend of mine’s blog who took the NCLEX-RN just recently and the quote that you see in the beginning of my entry actually came from him actually what his proctor told him after taking the exam and well it got me thinking too… so here I am talking to myself again, reflecting on stuff thru my blog.

I finally got to see my testing center last Saturday and that is where everything sank in. My heart was pounding and there was this sudden burst of emotions inside me… it was weird. I was excited and at the same time scared because every time I take these kind of exams I always have the feeling that I want to get over it but not yet because the exam holds such a big weight on my life… these exams basically determine my future and my life.

When I was in college in the Philippines whenever me and my friends talked about our life after school this is what I have always talked about, being a RN, living my dream in the US and basically just having a good life and be able to share it with my family. And now that I am getting there it just seems surreal that I am at this point in my life.

Preparing for this exam was kind of exhausting because it has given me constant challenges most especially in the emotional aspect of things. In my one and half month of stay here in the US I have cried more than the number of times I have shed a tear in the past 2 or 3 years of my life. It is weird America can really get the best out of you. I think my brother was right he was telling me that I was feeling this way because this “phase” I am getting in to is like my passage to adulthood. The time wherein you think about your career and future. Like what my dad always tells me it is one thing to have things planned and its another thing to get things done.

In reference to the quote I posted… I agree that experiences are good teachers and success is not merely measured by accomplishments because I admit I had my fair share of failures but then again you try to learn from those mistakes and you do your best for them not to happen again.

I also think that being a good RN is not merely based on exams but I know these exams are there for a reason because you deal with lives and that of course is not a joke. What I like so much about this profession though is that it constantly challenges you to do your best and you get to face different people from all walks of life. So I think the real challenge of this profession begins after you become a licensed nurse. It’s what you do with that priviledge given to you that is important. To be able to take care of people and create an impact in their lives its the most beautiful feeling one could ever have.

I do hope I make it I have fell in love with this profession as much as it demands a lot from me physically, mentally and emotionally.

Things To Do After My Exam

My anxiety level is kind of up there already considering I have less than a week before my actual exam day. Its kind of scary thinking that an exam will be able to dictate how my career would go but then again it will still be up to me how I would want things to happen after all I am going to be the one giving the answers to those test questions.

Its kind of funny because I really never expected that things would be like this for me… it was very challenging to choose Nursing as my profession… anyone could get the degree but its another thing to fulfill it… and the only way I am going to do that is to be a REGISTERED NURSE. Taking these exams can really make you or break you… of course I hope I make it this has been my dream.

I feel ambivalent because I cannot wait to finish taking this exam because I can do whatever I want and I can go wherever I want to go with nothing holding me down since you know you have obligations prior to the exam. At some point, I think I do not want to take the exams because of the weight it bears for my career and future. I am afraid to wait for the unknown… the result if I pass or fail so as much as I can do what I want still at the back of my head I will still think about the exam… it will be there until the results come out.

But then I cannot help but think of things to do after I take the exam and I think me and my brother will start it with something good to do.

On March 31st after I take my exam me, my brother, sister in law and baby Lia will go out in San Jose and visit Valley Fair. Its their way of celebrating with me getting through with the exam and we will eat at CHEESECAKE FACTORY which is absolutely the best place ever and is absolutely one of my favorite restaurants here… and as their name tells it they have the best cheesecakes ever… (I just hope I am worthy of this celebration). Then we go out for a little while and walk around Valley Fair since this will also be the first time my Ate Malou goes out after being on house arrest/ bed rest for her recovery.

And then yesterday I got inspired and missed cooking… so I told my Ate and Kuya that I will cook on April 1st. I will cook my specialty dish which is BAKED MACARONI/ SPAGHETTI whichever works… we were originally going to order ROUND TABLE PIZZA because we are going to watch WRESTLEMANIA 23 so that is still on the table and then maybe I will also cook up desert. (it is weird I feel like I am a bit like Izzie in Grey’s Anatomy wherein she cooked all those muffins when she was stressed out… its my release on my anxiety for the exam). And then hopefully by 4PM I would be done and just have a blast watching Wrestlemania 23 with some alco-pop in hand. April 1 is going to be such an awesome day… I really hope so.

And then after that… I really do not know what else I would do… I am looking forward to the day wherein my niece would be sleeping in her crib wherein my bed is also in… so we would be room mates… that is going to be fun… because I get to really spend time with her and you know get to experience the real deal of waking up early in the morning to feed her, change dirty diapers… its going to be fun.

I also know that my Kuya and Ate’s Wedding Civil Anniversary is coming up I know I won’t be included in that but its still a celebration.

Its a crammed birthday week for us here since its John Cena’s birthday on the 23rd then my mom celebrates her birthday on the 24th and then my Ate on the 26th… woohoo… PARTY!!!

Hmmm what else… I know there will be more stuff to do here to keep me busy after the exams… the study part is over but then the wait would be more grueling… I just hope I make it… my life depends on it and I need to make it and above everything else people are rooting for me I cannot let them down.

An Advice for My Kuya

Today and well the rest of the week was not so good for me and for some people close to me. I have never been put in to a place wherein there is just so much tension, pressure and drama its crazy… I am just not so used to those things happening almost every day its blah… I guess that is what you get when there is not much clear communication amongst people staying in one roof.

I think I was on the verge of having my fuse exploding I try to be patient most of the time and be understanding of people and to tell you honestly its hard since more often than not it does not work to your advantage all the time but you take it in because you know that made a person feel happy or good about themselves and for me that is a big accomplishment I always think as long as I can make a difference even in the littlest of things that is enough for me.

My brother whom I dearly love and care is in a very stressful situation these past months from his wife being pregnant, hormonal and mood changes, giving birth, being super emo and then having a baby and living with his in- laws then add me up staying with them. So you could just imagine the circumstance he is in… I know its crazy.

So recently, his stress is showing in his actions in his face and even his ears because when he is stressed out his ears turn so red and he scratches his head. As his sister I try to deal with it and then take it all in… in short trying to be a shock absorber because to tell you honestly I’d rather have him tell me all these than him telling other people because as much as there are negative things I can just gulp it in and not give any pretentions or bad thoughts in to things… I mean he can tell his wife because obviously its his wife and she is very understanding but then again she will also have her limitations especially if at some point the part of the issue is her family.

I kind of feel bad since today was the turning point of our relationship as siblings for the past 5 years or so we haven’t had a major misunderstanding like this one and its sad because I am not used to us fighting anymore. When I stepped here in the US for a visit I have always told myself that I will try my best to be there for him because prior to this trip I am aware of his situation. And now that I am here for more than a month I believe I have kept my word except for this incident and that makes me feel sad.

I just think that at this point right now he is not grasping what I am trying to point out because everything is a big blur for him now. And for my part I think I should have been more patient rather than bombarding him.

So I shall say my piece regarding all these issues here since more or less he would read this and he knows I can express myself better in writing and well after this I will TRY to keep my mouth shut about the matter not unless he asks for my opinion again.

I apologize for being so hard or tough with you maybe I ended up being like this because this is what I learned from not having you around in some crucial times in my life especially in school and well with my stay here its just how things work you say what you want or you do not get it… you know this better than I do right? I know there were times wherein I appear to be blunt about giving you observations or advice on things that is going on with your life I just took it that you got use to those things (you are aware that there are far more harsh people than I am right?) and you said it yourself there are times that you have to be blunt to convey what you want to say… there are some issues in you that just keeps on coming back and I just thought that by this time it was already resolved… but up until now its not.

I know it hurts to hear something negative about your character all the more about people you love and care. But then you have to accept that they have their flaws I say it as an act of concern not as an act to ridicule or humiliate someone. It will still depend on you, on what you do with the advices or realities you hear… its all about trying to look at things in a positive perspective. And if that is too hard for you to do, for now get the good and drop the bad parts of what I or other people say.

Like what I always tell myself change is inevitable so you cannot stop or get stucked because that is when things get complicated. This is what is happening to you right now you’re stucked in this emotion of feeling “stressed out”. Stress is something that is suppose to make you function better it shouldn’t overpower you.

You have a family now and I know that is a lot of responsibility and a lot to take in because everything happened so fast for you ALWAYS remember this:

God will not give you something you cannot handle.

You just have to overcome that feeling and everything will proceed smoothly. Do not try too hard because you are going beyond the level that you can handle for now… take things one step at a time do not think too far ahead… and to begin with if you enjoy what you have and what you do everything should come as a breeze you just need to overcome this phase.

In additon, you need to be strong as harsh as this would sound you are the head of your own family now and your family gets strength from you so no matter how tough or hard life is you cannot show it you have to keep your composure… its one thing to be open and conversing with your wife and its another thing to break down like what you did today and the other day that even the littlest of things pissed you off. I am guilty of these types of situations and there is no excuse for such actions.

I am trying my very best to make things easier for you and your wife in the best way that I know I can help and if I have no exam in the way believe me I would have done more. Just let me deal with this exam and I will try to be of help to you guys even more.

I know the things here might be too much for you to take in and I am sorry but somebody has to do it. I know you might be even more pissed at me with this and I know that you would prefer to be hearing this from someone with authority and experience like Dad. As much as he entrusted me to you I am also entitled to do that to you after all we are brother and sister.

Wrestlemania 23

Wrestlemania 23 is of course the event of all events when it comes to the field of Sports Entertainment and as John Cena places it its like the Superbowl of Wrestling. Its been a long time since I last watched Wrestlemania since in the Philippines it was always delayed and it was just recently that we were able to catch up with the WWE shows here in the US. They even developed a strategy wherein we can watch other WWE PPV’s so we go in to a cinema and pay for a ticket and we watch it on the big screen with no commercial breaks with the other WWE fans… that was always awesome and fun… I miss those days since PPV here in America are hella expensive as compared to what I pay in the Philippines.

So now I am here in the US and that is the day after my exam… I will indulge myself to a Round Table Pizza and some alcopop and watch Wrestlemania 23 on PayPerView with my brother. Its the best way to release my anxiety about the exam and atleast for a decent 4 hours or so I can not worry about passing or not and just enjoy watching great sports entertainment and see cute men in tights or shorts (just kidding… (this doesn’t sound so good ewww).

I am so looking forward to this and me and my Kuya have been planning this thing for the longest time the matches are going to be AWESOME can’t wait for Wrestlemania oh yeah!

Great American Bash

My trip here in the US hasn’t really been on my side WWE schedule wise… on my first month of stay here they were in the California area but I couldn’t watch since I had something important to do… and besides the schedules that they had here were kind of far from where I am. And now I find out that a PPV is on its way here in San Jose which is near our place and its frustrating since tickets are HELLA expensive and the scheduled date which is some time in July and I do not know if I would still be in the US by that time… but above everything else ticket prices are too high… oh well it wasn’t meant to be i think… so hopefully by the time I visit America again I get to see either a PPV, Wrestlemania or a Monday Night Raw Taping… and it wouldn’t hurt to also dream meeting my favorite WWE Superstars :)

See more progress on: Watch A WWE PayPerView

Feeling A Little Burned Out

I feel really tired this week and I do not know why. My body aches, my head is throbbing, my eyes wants to sleep its crazy. But then I again I keep on telling myself that there are other people in this house that is more deserving to complain but not me…

My judgment day is about to come in 19 days and everything is just crazy at this point in time. I have to make it and this is a matter of life and death… like what I always tell myself SUCCESS is my ONLY OPTION there are so many people rooting for me and I cannot disappoint them as well.

In a way I think God is testing me how far I would go to be honest there were some circumstances or situations that happened these past few weeks that I did not foresee happening. I thought that after my sister in law’s baby comes out every thing will be back to normal and I could focus on my review this was not the case… so many things happened not that I did not like it because I enjoyed doing it especially taking care of my niece… she is such a cutie pie.

But then again I tell myself that God wouldn’t be putting me in a situation I cannot handle… its been tough especially for me I mean I am the type of person who is other centered… its weird its kind of an automatic thing for me to considerother people especially people who mean so much to me to come first even before my own needs and if I can help I try to help.

Its been crazy every time you decide to start studying there will always be some thing else to do its crazy… really crazy.

I have to admit its been very stressful and I am tired but I cannot be tired since I have work to do still…

I hope I can get over the exam its such a big burden in my chest but then again I want to get over it with the assurance I know I can make it… and I just need time to study and just everything else out… its driving me crazy.

My Top Gadgets

Me and my brother were on our way to Safeway when he asked me this and then I decided to write about it so I won’t forget and work hard to get it. Actually I am kind of torn since I like PINK a lot but I do not think they look good in all gadgets (see even my Pink fetish has limitations) I think gadget wise I like it in black because it looks sleek and classy… pink gadgets are nice to look at in the beginning but eventually you tend to not like it thats the case for me… exception to the rule is the Nintendo DS Lite since its meant to be cute and its nicer in Pink as compared to the black one… for me :)


Laptop

Toshiba Satellite
  • I have been wanting one ever since forever… me and my desktop PC at home have a long history of projects and stuff but I graduated that stage already so I think a laptop would do me good as long as it can play decent and various forms of media I would be okay with it and as long as it has a nice screen nothing too small nor too big. And enough hard drive space and fast internet and I am good with it… it won’t hurt if its Windows Vista ready already.

iPod

Apple iPod 30GB
  • I have transitioned from one version to the other I started with my iPod mini then eventually switched to the 2nd generation of iPod shuffle which I really liked because its so small and handy. I have yet to wait for whatever added feature comes next… if the video that leaked out re the iPod Video with the interface similar to that of iTunes then I would have to set my eye on that… its so cool.

Digital Camera

Sony DSC T-100 8MP
  • My digi cam is obsolete and well I wanted a thinner one and with a bigger screen and of course megapixel but then again my cam still works wonders for me for now but in the future I would want a smaller and lighter one.

Nintendo DS Lite (Pink)

Nintendo DS Lite (Pink)
  • I am weighing it down between a Pink PSP or this one but then according to my brother I would enjoy a DS Lite more due to the limited ability that I have with games. Most games in DS Lite are the cute ones and well sad to say those are my kind of games. I really really want to try the surgery game and more of those brain games…

Cellphone

Apple iPhone
  • I have to say I enjoy my Nokia N90 phone right now to begin with there is not much people calling me so my phone has not much function (so people interested… call me!… just kidding!) I do not like small phones it just doesn’t work for me I feel like I will have an arthritis especially when sending text messages. I think I am over my phone craze because before I used to change phones every 3 months when I was in the Philippines. But the N90 works for me it has a nice camera and features for a basic phone. But then again if I would upgrade I think I would just wait for the iPhone.

PDA

Palm TX
  • I used to own a phone with a PDA and I kind of miss that part since I am a bit (or a lot) of an organize freak so I like everything written down from list of things to do and appointments or schedules it just makes everything easier… and since I swapped that phone I am back to bulky organizers and big calendars which works wonders for me still but a PDA would have been cooler.

Well that’s about it for my top gadgets I still have a long way to go before I can get these stuffs but just setting my eye on the prize… among all the things listed here I think the most important thing to get is a laptop… the others are just basically wants and the laptop is more of a need… so if I were to choose from the 5 I would settle for a laptop and this would be my priority aside from the car once I start earning.

Things Inside My Head About Life

America can really get the best out of you and missing my family has been one of the grueling experience. It exhausts you both mentally and emotionally.

I could just imagine how my brother feels since he has been here for a longer period of time as compared to me. I cannot wait to see my mom again after a month. Family will always be family no matter how you put it.

Its kind of mind blowing trying to balance things especially if you are in a new environment. As much as you try to see the bigger picture of things or give reason to whatever thoughts you have inside your head you just go back in to this state of denial… you tend to resist.

I keep on telling myself that sooner or later I have to accept it that this is how things are going to be for now. I have never my seen my brother like this I mean truly he is more patient now and he just learned to suck it all in.

I remember we had this conversation in the car and he told me he was kind of amazed that I still have this sort of “rebellious” spirit in me. And I admit I think I developed that from school and other experiences, I learned to stand up on my own especially when my brother left the Philippines. I have always considered him as the “nicer” sibling and I admire him for that because he is very open to our parents even if what he says sometimes gets him in to trouble. We are the exact opposite he is very vocal I am very quiet. He is very sociable I am an introvert and the list just goes on and on…

My Kuya has big plans for me and my future but I cannot help but think sometimes if its going to be like that forever he has a family of his own now and as much as his wife is very giving and understanding I know that it will also have an endpoint maybe not now but later on in life.

I have this feeling always that I have to separate myself from him because every time I come near him I feel like I am a threat or something… its weird. So as soon as I can really stand up on my own I think that the best thing to do is to go and start a life of my own.

I live my life observing actions and behavior that is why I am so quiet or not as social as my brother. I could consume the whole day sitting in a coffee shop just looking around at people and their actions.

I fear that I might end up like some of the people I see here in the US that my own values and principles would be washed away and I change in to this completely different person. I am aware that this would just happen if I let it happen but sometimes it can really get the best out of you influences can be pretty tricky.

As much as I tell myself that I won’t be like this or that… there will always be this uncertainty and you will always continue to evolve and change as a person because as they say change is inevitable and if you resist change then you get stuck and that is when I think things get pretty darn complicated.

Here are some situations I see here that I fear I end up doing:

  • I don’t like to be in a situation wherein I am in debt because I feel that I am tied down to that person or situation.
  • I don’t want to buy something I cannot really afford or I get something because I need to compete with someone that I always have to be better. If I want to be better I do it because I know I can accomplish it not because I need to prove myself to others.
  • I don’t want to get something that I know I do not know how to use or something I do not need. Like what my dad told me “In America its not the money that you earn that makes you rich but the money you do not spend“. If I earn a million dollars a year but I have a debt of 1.1M then its pointless.
  • I don’t want to be one of those people who do not have a sense of gratitude from where they came from. If I come to a point wherein I know I have made it I hope that I won’t be arrogant to ridicule where I came from to begin with it was the reason why you are what you are now. Its one thing to feel sad about a country’s potential (e.g. Philippines) and it is another thing to ridicule it… let us face it Philippines will never be America there is just no point of comparison.

I can go on and on about things inside my head and I tell you there are more stuff that just makes this head of mine ache… but I think I will reserve that for my future entries… I think I rant too much but then again this is my blog so I can voice out what I feel here…

Adios Amigos!