Who Am I Kidding? Where Am I In My Life?

A few weeks ago, me and my dad accidentally met 2 Swedish backpackers a little bit younger than I am. They asked us for directions because they got lost going around Manila and we ended up driving them to the place where they were staying. On the way to their place we got to chat with them a little bit.

They were actually backpacking around the world for a couple of months… 4 months to be exact. They said they were on a break from graduating high school before going to college. They enumerated all the places they’ve been and they mentioned so many that I actually lost track… some places I haven’t even heard. Another thing that struck me was that they were doing it because they wanted to find themselves, to see their options on what they wanted to do with their lives or if they decide to live in a foreign country.

It was amazing what they said. To be presented with such an opportunity such as that… that would have been something.

Obviously, I would not have the same fate as those two but I had my fair share of my own travels and experiences and that was enough for me to realize what I really wanted in my life.

Unfortunately, I have a big set back with those dreams. I really wish I could have done something different to change it. I keep telling myself to move forward and I am but sometimes I just get choked up.

It finally took a toll on me… everything that has happened for the past months finally hit me. I really thought I was able to move forward against my frustrations in life but who was I kidding?

I really do not know what to think anymore. Its like I am running out of hope and dreams for myself and my future. I have actually reached my all time low and tears just started dwindling down my face.

I fear that there won’t be enough time to make things happen the way I want to. Like making my parents happy… giving them the life that they deserve. For them to be able to enjoy the remaining years they have instead of worrying about me. Providing them with the best health care. Buying my mom a pair of hearing aid. Being able to go on a complete family vacation. And the list just goes on…

I see a lot of people happy and content living their life to the fullest. And I keep asking myself where am I in my life?