Today and well the rest of the week was not so good for me and for some people close to me. I have never been put in to a place wherein there is just so much tension, pressure and drama its crazy… I am just not so used to those things happening almost every day its blah… I guess that is what you get when there is not much clear communication amongst people staying in one roof.
I think I was on the verge of having my fuse exploding I try to be patient most of the time and be understanding of people and to tell you honestly its hard since more often than not it does not work to your advantage all the time but you take it in because you know that made a person feel happy or good about themselves and for me that is a big accomplishment I always think as long as I can make a difference even in the littlest of things that is enough for me.
My brother whom I dearly love and care is in a very stressful situation these past months from his wife being pregnant, hormonal and mood changes, giving birth, being super emo and then having a baby and living with his in- laws then add me up staying with them. So you could just imagine the circumstance he is in… I know its crazy.
So recently, his stress is showing in his actions in his face and even his ears because when he is stressed out his ears turn so red and he scratches his head. As his sister I try to deal with it and then take it all in… in short trying to be a shock absorber because to tell you honestly I’d rather have him tell me all these than him telling other people because as much as there are negative things I can just gulp it in and not give any pretentions or bad thoughts in to things… I mean he can tell his wife because obviously its his wife and she is very understanding but then again she will also have her limitations especially if at some point the part of the issue is her family.
I kind of feel bad since today was the turning point of our relationship as siblings for the past 5 years or so we haven’t had a major misunderstanding like this one and its sad because I am not used to us fighting anymore. When I stepped here in the US for a visit I have always told myself that I will try my best to be there for him because prior to this trip I am aware of his situation. And now that I am here for more than a month I believe I have kept my word except for this incident and that makes me feel sad.
I just think that at this point right now he is not grasping what I am trying to point out because everything is a big blur for him now. And for my part I think I should have been more patient rather than bombarding him.
So I shall say my piece regarding all these issues here since more or less he would read this and he knows I can express myself better in writing and well after this I will TRY to keep my mouth shut about the matter not unless he asks for my opinion again.
I apologize for being so hard or tough with you maybe I ended up being like this because this is what I learned from not having you around in some crucial times in my life especially in school and well with my stay here its just how things work you say what you want or you do not get it… you know this better than I do right? I know there were times wherein I appear to be blunt about giving you observations or advice on things that is going on with your life I just took it that you got use to those things (you are aware that there are far more harsh people than I am right?) and you said it yourself there are times that you have to be blunt to convey what you want to say… there are some issues in you that just keeps on coming back and I just thought that by this time it was already resolved… but up until now its not.
I know it hurts to hear something negative about your character all the more about people you love and care. But then you have to accept that they have their flaws I say it as an act of concern not as an act to ridicule or humiliate someone. It will still depend on you, on what you do with the advices or realities you hear… its all about trying to look at things in a positive perspective. And if that is too hard for you to do, for now get the good and drop the bad parts of what I or other people say.
Like what I always tell myself change is inevitable so you cannot stop or get stucked because that is when things get complicated. This is what is happening to you right now you’re stucked in this emotion of feeling “stressed out”. Stress is something that is suppose to make you function better it shouldn’t overpower you.
You have a family now and I know that is a lot of responsibility and a lot to take in because everything happened so fast for you ALWAYS remember this:
God will not give you something you cannot handle.
You just have to overcome that feeling and everything will proceed smoothly. Do not try too hard because you are going beyond the level that you can handle for now… take things one step at a time do not think too far ahead… and to begin with if you enjoy what you have and what you do everything should come as a breeze you just need to overcome this phase.
In additon, you need to be strong as harsh as this would sound you are the head of your own family now and your family gets strength from you so no matter how tough or hard life is you cannot show it you have to keep your composure… its one thing to be open and conversing with your wife and its another thing to break down like what you did today and the other day that even the littlest of things pissed you off. I am guilty of these types of situations and there is no excuse for such actions.
I am trying my very best to make things easier for you and your wife in the best way that I know I can help and if I have no exam in the way believe me I would have done more. Just let me deal with this exam and I will try to be of help to you guys even more.
I know the things here might be too much for you to take in and I am sorry but somebody has to do it. I know you might be even more pissed at me with this and I know that you would prefer to be hearing this from someone with authority and experience like Dad. As much as he entrusted me to you I am also entitled to do that to you after all we are brother and sister.