Random Ramblings: Unrequited Love

I get to feel every emotion but I get nothing back in return. I am willing, surrendering but there is nothing.

I want to give so much love but the feeling is unreciprocated. Like hitting a wall of bricks its a love he does not feel.

I exist but in his presence I am invisible. I matter but with him I am insignificant. I want to give up as I lay down my heart.

I stand in the side lines wanting to surrender. This is the love I will always remember.

It is the most painful type of love. One sided love. Unrequited love.

Random Ramblings: In My Dream

I saw you standing and felt your presence. My heart was raising my breath was rushing. It was the longest minute of my life. 
I have yet to see your face and your smile. And all it takes is a single turn to answer the questions that lingered my mind. 
By the time you turned my eyes were wide open. I awoke from sleep and the dream had faded.

I say your name under my breath. Thinking and wishing I could get a glimpse of you as I close my eyes and go back in slumber. 

Pink Notes: Coffee Time With Angel

I am pretty sure that you (Angel) will hate me for posting this but I just thought it was a wonderful afternoon well spent post work. Plus it has been quite some time since we actually talked even though we bump into each other at work. We mostly just have greetings of hi’s and hello’s (which is quite sad actually).

I love talking to you because you have no pre judgments whatsoever. I feel like I can tell you anything (probably only 3 people in the entire world I can do this with). We are total opposites but you push me to do things I would never ever thought of doing.

Remember when we were in Kuala Lumpur you made me ask a complete stranger to borrow his map and look for directions… I would never have done that on my own… you made me do that!

Angel & Me in our Malaysian Adventure and our fondness for egg tarts!

Oh you made me ride a freaking mini roller coaster of sorts at Genting Highlands… I have never cursed so much in my life…. that ride was a complete torture! And because you took a video of it making a complete humiliation of myself I might as well place it here cause I have to admit its a funny video and well its my only proof that I have ridden such a ride.

I miss that trip hopefully in the near future we can do it again! It was so memorable aside from the fact that it was with you its my first and only trip outside the Philippines with a friend.

Thank you for making time for me today. You know how much I value you as a friend and my separation anxiety with you LOL (okay that is an inside joke). You are truly heaven sent! (ok this a cheesy line but I can’t help it I had to do it). Plus thank you for always visiting in my site you are one of the few people I know who does visit and actually read my posts.

It was such a blissful day… until my next blog post!

Love Lots,

Joan Gillen
(A girl who takes a while to warm up to people but values friendship tremendously).

Pink Notes: Work Superstitions

I kind of believe that Filipinos are attached to so many superstitions and beliefs. Nothing is quite wrong with it as long as it does not harm anyone.

The same thing goes for my work place we have many of these and they are hilarious but that kind of what makes work fun and entertaining.

  • VANITY RULE. The moment you put makeup during work hours it will be TOXIC. By the end of your shift it will seem like you did not put makeup at all from running around and admitting patients.
  • THE ODD MAN OUT. If you are the one who is singled out the busyness of the shift will be blamed on you. 
  • TRACK RECORDS. There are specific work people that no matter what shift you put them in their TOXIC… if you are on duty with them its bound to be busy.
  • The DIRTY LIVING RULE. If you are the endorsement nurse and it becomes busy most staff would think that you did something the night before which caused the imbalance of patient and nurse ratio the next day.
  • THE RULE OF 8. If its the 8th of any month expect a lot of deliveries/ elective cases. It’s a lucky number.
  • EXTRA FORMS. If you bring out too many blank forms it will be filled up and you will eventually have to refill forms.
  • THEY COME IN 3’s. If you admit a patient it will NEVER be a single patient but they will come in three’s. Always in 3’s. 
These are just some the beliefs we have at work that does not make sense at all but we hold on to it anyways. It actually makes our work load lighter cause we get to blame these rules. In short, we just want to blame it on something or find justification for our busyness. But in reality, our area is just very seasonal and when it rains it pours!
More on the rule of 8 as it nears… until my next blog post!
Love Lots,
Joan Gillen
(The anxious work person… and the girl with the track record for being toxic)

Pink Notes: Toxic Thursday

Just woke up coming from night shift (its 1pm here). Saying it was a busy shift was an understatement. Toxic is a term we use when a shift becomes too busy and quite unexpected… its even worse than a busy busy shift.

It was a challenge considering there was only 4 of us running the whole area. I was in charge so my heart was in my throat once again. Time management was key and the power of anticipation was as important.

Had to clean the whole area from end to end and from wall to wall. Prepped patients with povidone. Give due meds and take vital signs. Check instruments. Pull out and set up instruments for the next day cases. Admit patients. It was that crazy.

I felt like an octopus with an energy of the energizer bunny it was that busy. You just kept going and going and going.

I was quite anxious (as always) but fun. It was a good type of nervousness cause it kept me on my toes and I was just glad I got the job done. Considering I’ve been at this for a couple of years I would think I’d get used to these things… everyday is just full of surprises as I encounter different cases and patients. No experience is the same.

Huge sigh left me after endorsements but with a huge grin on my face. Mission accomplished and it was a successful shift! Now I am off to make the best of my 3 day weekend!

Until my next blog post!

Joan Gillen
(The girl on a mission and full of anxiety)

Movie Reel: Hope Springs

I was prepared to watch a rom com movie but this movie made me cry and laugh at the same time. It is definitely a couples movie so if you are in a relationship I think its a movie worth watching with your significant other.

 I think that was the torture part of the movie… it did not help that I was seating at the last row and saw that seats occupied were mostly in pairs with a one seat gap per couple it was ridiculously funny to observe (yes I am that observant its a surprisingly creepy skill I have).

 The movie deals with a married couple who had been together for 31 years and they have lost their connection with their marriage. They coast through life like a routine and just existed. They sought help and eventually made progress with their relationship but still with obstacles.

 It’s such a touching movie finding and rekindling love even after being together for so many years. You have to take a leap of faith with your partner and the willingness to try things even if it seems silly.

Cause even the silliest things can be a prelude to something forward .

Pink Notes: Things About Me

I love to sing… but not in public.
I enjoy dancing… but only on special occasions.
I like listening to almost all types of music… except heavy metal.
I will always love boy bands… yes they will always hold a special place in my heart.

I people watch… but not in a creepy way.
I love to read novels… I like how I get lost in the emotion and be in a bubble.
I watch a movie almost once a week… its my reward for a good work week.

I enjoy traveling… its an escape, love to experience new culture and take pictures of places.
I’m a gadget geek… I’m a happy little camper every time I get to play with new toys.

I’m always in search of a good cup of coffee… americano to be exact, no sugar and milk.
Not much of a drinker… but I can hold my own.
I have never been drunk (I think).

I want to make a difference… but I do not know how.
I like helping people… it makes me extremely happy.

I hate snakes and any other reptiles for that matter.
I’m scared of heights and thrill rides… it’ll be the death of me!
Scary movies give me nightmares.

I don’t like surprises… I am an anxious person.
I over think a lot… And I am pessimistic.
I worry about my future… more than an average person would spend on a daily basis.

I have never been in love… I would love to BUT I don’t think I will ever be.
I’m a hopeless romantic.
A sentimental dreamer.

I enjoy writing… even if a few people read my thoughts.
I express myself better in writing than in person.
I am awkward.

And I love the world wide web and all its amazing possibilities.

So those are some stuff about me and I have a long night ahead doing some party planning on the side… making the most out of this very late evening/ early morning! Until my next blog post!

Love Lots,

Joan Gillen
(The girl with the messed up body clock and I am pretty sure I live in a different time zone.)

Pink Notes: I Really Want To Sing!

Woke up today thinking I have work. And now I cannot seem to go back to sleep thus this blog entry.

And I felt like singing so I opened my iTunes and sang my heart out. My dad is an amazing singer and I do not know why neither me or my brother got that gene. It is so frustrating… we might have had half of the gene since my brother has the confidence and I have a decent singing voice.

Its just that I am scared of singing out loud and in public. That’s my issue according to my dad and well according to me.

My dad says its never too late and if I wanted to I could… no one can ever stop me from singing. Its all about practice.

I really want to learn how to decently sing I just think that people who can sing can convey so many emotions. They can easily hum their way to a song to any mood. I think that is a great gift.

And I think people who can sing are happy people. They can entertain themselves just by singing a song. I think that’s awesome!

Okay off to singing my heart out and until my next blog post!

Love Lots,

The Frustrated Singer with Severe Stage Fright!

Pink Notes: Blog Inspiration (Warms My Heart!)

I got a tweet early afternoon after work from @MinksBasset saying she got a glimpse of my blog via @DarwinBlake and she thought it was lovely (this made my day with a huge smile on my face).

It warms my heart knowing that someone actually reads my blog more so people from across the globe. Its fascinating!

And hearing this from her made me extra happy:

@joangillen You both inspire me to give it a try…

Reading things such as this makes me ecstatic. I think its the greatest compliment one can receive. 

I started this blog a few years back trying to motivate myself  I needed to vent out and blogging was my release. Its therapeutic just getting thoughts out of your head. Its an added bonus when people get to identify with what you write.
Darwin, thanks for that RT… this would not have been possible without it… thank you!
Minks, I do hope you would give it a try it’ll surprise you how good you’ll feel after a blog post :) And who knows your blog might inspire someone too! If you need help or have questions you know where to contact me :) 
To everyone, thanks for taking time in reading my blog and my random thoughts. Know that it means a lot and inspires me. 
Big hug for everyone!